a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
being pregnant is like rehab
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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