I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
