I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This baby is an asshole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
