Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
