what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
