The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
