Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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