: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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