I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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