Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
