talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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