I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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