Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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