help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
