I just saw a hot homeless man
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize