1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
