great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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