just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
