Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
