Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
