my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
