DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
