Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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