By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
