So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
