A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
