So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
