my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
