I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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