I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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