she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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