i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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