Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he shaved USA in his pubs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
