My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
