Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
