I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
