They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
