I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
