he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
