1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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