I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
