Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
