Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
