I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
