I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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