for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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