I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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