dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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