my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
