My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
