Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize