fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize