Your tits are I can't wait for
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
