the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this boner is exhausting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
