I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
