Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
