I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
