We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
